Grieving the loss of a loved one is an intensely personal and challenging experience. If someone you care about is going through this difficult time, your support can be incredibly valuable. Knowing how to provide the right kind of help, however, can be difficult.
Here are some key do’s and don’ts to keep in mind when supporting someone who is grieving.
Do’s
- Listen More Than You Speak
- Be Present: Sometimes, the best support you can offer is your presence. Listen to them without trying to fix their pain or offer solutions. Let them express their feelings openly.
- Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions and validate their feelings. Phrases like, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “Your feelings are completely understandable,” can be comforting.
- Offer Practical Help
- Assist with Daily Tasks: Grieving individuals often struggle with everyday tasks. Offer to help with chores, grocery shopping, cooking, or childcare.
- Be Specific in Your Offers: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific assistance like, “Can I bring you dinner on Thursday?” or “Would you like me to help with cleaning this weekend?”
- Respect Their Grieving Process
- Give Them Space: Everyone grieves differently. Some may want to talk about their loved one constantly, while others may need space and time alone. Respect their needs and follow their lead.
- Encourage Professional Support: Gently suggest seeking help from a grief counselor or support group if they seem open to it. Professional support can be invaluable.
- Keep Checking In
- Follow Up Regularly: Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Continue to check in on them weeks and months after the loss. Your ongoing support can make a big difference.
- Remember Important Dates: Acknowledge anniversaries, birthdays, and other significant dates that might be particularly hard for them. Let them know you’re thinking of them during these times.
Don’ts
- Avoid Clichés and Minimizing Their Loss
- Don’t Use Platitudes: Phrases like “They’re in a better place,” or “Everything happens for a reason,” can feel dismissive. It’s better to simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- Don’t Compare Griefs: Avoid saying things like, “I know how you feel,” even if you’ve experienced a similar loss. Each person’s grief is unique.
- Don’t Rush Their Grief
- Avoid Imposing Timelines: Grief has no set duration. Don’t tell them they should be “over it” by now. Healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is different.
- Don’t Force Them to Move On: Encouraging them to “move on” or “get back to normal” can be hurtful. Let them grieve at their own pace.
- Don’t Avoid the Topic
- Acknowledge Their Loss: Ignoring their loss or avoiding the topic altogether can make them feel more isolated. It’s okay to talk about the deceased and share memories if they are comfortable with it.
- Don’t Fear Their Emotions: If they cry or get angry, don’t shy away. These are natural parts of grieving, and your support through these moments is crucial.
- Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice
- Avoid Giving Advice: Unless specifically asked, refrain from giving advice on how they should handle their grief. It’s more important to listen and be there for them.
- Respect Their Decisions: Whether it’s how they choose to remember their loved one or how they cope with their loss, respect their decisions without judgment.
Conclusion
Supporting someone who is grieving can be challenging, but your compassion and understanding can provide much-needed comfort. By listening more than you speak, offering practical help, respecting their grieving process, and avoiding unhelpful clichés, you can be a source of strength and solace for your loved one during this difficult time. Remember, the most important thing is to let them know they are not alone.
